“I did no wrong,y dad locked up@phone” #entitled

See earn his cooperation.

Q: “I did no wrong, y dad locked up my phone”
A: you exceeded daily screen time limit, not just gaming time limit.

Note academic benchmark are not a factor provided you put in effort.

— Arbitrary, impulsive punishment … is common but I will endeavour to minimize it.
I think arbitrary, impulsive penalty in phone lock-up is not same as other punishment, because phone is completely optional. Sachin doesn’t give reasons for lock-up.

The problem is entitlement, as I predicted in late 2020. No entitlement, then no justification needed.

reward/punish daily effort by boy #grandpa

This kind of effort has been hard for boy. Here is my 2020 New plan: Every day, he can do something meaningful such as

• tiptoe practice
• Chinese handwriting
• workout
• practice pinyin
• help meimei learn math
• teach mom some English words
• help mom with chores
• math
• piano
• .. any proposal by boy?

Every day either deduct $5 [1] if “not met” or pay him $1 if “met”. These sums are designed based on the belief that the daily targets are easily achievable without parent reminding him

Once he hits a full week, there could be a bonus, possibly zero. It could be a random amount up to $100, perhaps using a coin or a program he writes.

[1] grandpa suggests $2 but he didn’t object when I insisted on $10.

— practical criteria for “meet”: 10m/day, Mom as witness
If on a given day we can’t verify and he gives a specific positive answer, then we assume he has hit the target.

My legwork — I have to ask him everyday “Did you meet the target?” It is a legwork I choose to take on. If one day I forget to ask, then by default we assume he has hit the target.

The bonus is based on a full week’s meets and need a bit more scrutiny. Dishonesty would be punished, not tolerated.

— It’s crucial that he agrees to the scheme.

fines for lost items

• $2 fan fine
• 7 shouts up to 12 Jan
• done: $60+50 fan reward
• done: $5 roblox fine for poking around vivo phone
• done: daily effort for Dec 2020 … each week $10. each month $50 –> $31 + $10*4 + $50
• done: $50 fine for drinking directly from soymilk carton
• done: $50 fine for eating directly from peanut butter jar
• done: fine dad $30 (to boy) for yelling

— Get him to agree, and repeat the messages.
Good to post it on fridge for a few day.. but not necessary.
— Beware: Fine amount should be predetermined NOT arbitrary. Don’t rely on refund to compensate for over-charge. Don’t create rage punishment
— Roblox fine is sensitive, /hurting/ and should …

• be applied sparingly not routinely, otherwise boy would get numbed
• at most $4, up from $2 due to low balance in POSB account

— disrespect:

• touching people’s mouth or breast, or profanity: half day phone lock-up. Joint judgement by both parents.
• calling a parent “liar”: 1 shout (even if boy says “liar” multiples). If boy feels unfair, then he can ask the other parent.
• yelling at parents or meimei: 50 sentences will cost up to 3-day phone lock-up, starting 7 Dec.
• .. Dad’s shouting: 10x the $$ penalty, immediately transfer to a third party like Mom or boy or grandma
• .. use of vulgar words like ‘stupid’ on parents: each time counts as 10 yelling.

— clean-up of shared facilities for other people’s use. Other people are not your maid.

• wet feet on floor after shower can cause slip and fall, really dangerous for older people. $2 roblox fine
• urine on bathroom floor without informing anyone: 0.5D phone lock-up (discussed with grandma; agreed with mom)
• batteries: each time batteries are messed up, fine up to $1 roblox.
• forgotten fan : Each time a fan is left blowing and /abandoned/, fine $20-50 to grandpa or up to $2 roblox. To reduce my tcost, consider suspension of this penalty.
• .. If not forgotten, then reward roblox $2-$4, or SGD 20-50 from grandpa. I can’t reasonably terminate this reward.
• .. for aircon, double the penalty due to higher waste

— misplaced temporarily

• each time MRT card is put back into drawer: reward up to $50-100
• each time cordless phone is put back after boy’s use: reward $20-50

— valuable loss: When an item is misplaced and not found over 48 hours, it is considered a loss. Examples include MRT card, wallet, keys,

• the first time fine will be 10x the price. 2nd loss, increase the fine to 20x. For gate key, 2nd loss will be $200.
• translating to roblox? Divide by 100

— LGlp items, to reduce the cognitive overload and mounting tcost

• each time boy eats directly from peanut butter jar, fine $2 from roblox account.
• each time boy trims his fingernail (completely), reward $50-$100.
• each time (upon reaching home) basketball is put back, grandpa-reward $20
• given a gaming deadline, every minute overtime costs SGD 5
• each time key is misplaced on table, $20-$100 to grandpa. See safe storage of key
• each time boy leaves a still-clean cloth mask on the table (instead of hung on a hook): $5-10 to grandpa
• forgotten laptop charge: each time a shared laptop is left uncharged, the next person may be unable to use use it at other locations. Penalty: transfer $0-$20 to grandpa. If not forgotten, then transfer $0-5 from grandpa

You are good enough for me i.e.your dad

I told a Cigna counselor that I would tell the 11 year old tanbin that “Nobody is perfect or superpowerful. Everyone of us is weak including my dad.”

Ted Turner reportedly felt he was never good enough for his father. I want my kids to know they are good enough to be my kids.

eg: when criticizing kids on piano effort, remember their current effort level is already substantial. piano demands a commitment.